Post Tenebras Lux, Orpost Tenebras Spero Lucem Part 2
by GeorgieGinger
Summary: An AU missing scene/continuation from Inter Arma Silent Leges. This is Part 2, Part 1 is on AlwaysAbby's account. Read Part 1 first, or this won't make much sense. Warning for violence and rape.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is Part 2!**_

_**Part 1 is on Always Abby's account.**_

_**Enjoy people!**_

_**XXX**_

Dax was researching some samples from their latest mission in the Science Lab. Although Ezri trained as a councillor, her memories of Jadzia made her one of the best suited and qualified officers to do the scans. She was just about to start on another sample when her combadge chirped. "Sisko to Dax," The Captain's voice came through.

Tapping her own combadge in response, she curtly replied. "Dax here."

"Old Man, I need you in my office as soon as possible." Sisko did not reveal any emotion in his voice.

Ezri, the ever-curious Trill, just had to know what was happening. She knew Sisko all too well; and even though _he _thought he didn't divulge anything, Dax knew different. The way he kept his voice neutral with a slightly up tempo tint showed he was worried about something. She paused her scans and stood up, walking to the exit "On my way. Dax out."

Whilst she was walking, she thought of anything that could explain why Sisko wanted to see her. He knew she was working on something fairly important so he wouldn't have interrupted her unless he really needed her help.

She felt her stomach churn at the possibilities. If it was Jake, Sisko would be a lot more frantic. She always felt a sense of pride when Sisko called for her assistance or opinion, but in this case, all she could feel was worry.

XXX

Ezri entered OP's, seeing everyone at their stations. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Briskly walking to Sisko's office, she signalled the door chime.

"Come in," Sisko's voice sounded through the doors.

Dax walked through to his office, seeing Sisko sit at his desk, twirling the baseball in his hands.

"Dax, I want to ask you something." Sisko stated, showing her the chair.

_Oh dear. _Ezri knew something was on his mind but when he gestured that she sit down; she feared something bad had happened. Pushing the thoughts away, she sat down and patiently waited for some kind of an explanation.

Once Ezri had taken her seat, Sisko leaned back, tossing his baseball in his now-healed hand. He decided to cut to the chase. "I went to see Julian in the Infirmary earlier today," at Ezri's confused face, he added "I broke my fingers playing in the holosuite with Jake."

Dax didn't see where this was going, but her heart quickened when he mentioned Julian. What was wrong with Julian? Had something happened? She tried to calm herself down and decided to lighten the obviously dull mood, as much for her as for Sisko "You getting too old for the game, Benjamin." She smiled sheepishly but quickly frowned when Sisko got up off his chair, placing his baseball back onto his desk and looked out the window with sad eyes.

The two were silent for a moment, before Sisko let out a big sigh "Something's wrong, Old Man." He continued to stare out to space "I entered the Infirmary and Julian greeted me. When I explained about my hand, he was absolutely fine! No problems, it was when he was _about _to heal my hand that he went completely blank!" Turning round to look at Ezri, he saw her worried and confused eyes "He froze, wouldn't answer me when I asked if everything was alright. He was just staring at his arms in complete horror. He looked as if he were in intense pain before he collapsed to his knees. I kept calling him but he didn't make a sound, nothing came out of his mouth. When I knelt down beside him, he _still _didn't acknowledge me. I had to physically shake him before he snapped out of it" He sighed once more and squeezed the bridge of his nose "I've never seen him act like that, Old Man. He looked so utterly terrified and I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes!"

Ezri understood everything she was told. It definitely didn't sound like Julian; something was clearly wrong. "You saw tears? What happened after?"

Sisko shook his head sadly, it was clear he didn't know what was happening "He jumped up and told a nurse to heal me instead, before he ran into his office. When I was finished, I knocked on his door but there was no answer. To me, it looked like a panic attack of some sort. But I am at a complete loss to what could have caused it. This is why I wanted your help, Old Man."

Ezri stood up from her chair and walked over to Sisko "That doesn't sound like Julian. Maybe we should go and see him. I think he should still be at the Infirmary; we can call in."

Sisko sighed "I tried to contact the Infirmary a few moments ago. I asked to talk to Julian, but the nurse said he went back to his quarters shortly after I left. Said he wasn't feeling well. We should let him rest; then we'll go to him first thing tomorrow."

Sisko nodded to her once, as a clear sign of dismissal. Ezri squeezed his hand in reassurance before she walked back to her research, leaving Sisko alone with his thoughts. He _knew _something was wrong with his CMO. Julian was an exceptional doctor and would never act like that. Something obviously triggered it. Thinking back to the occurrence, Sisko tried to deduce what it was exactly that made Julian freeze.

_He was sitting down, waiting patiently as Julian collected the necessary tools. He inadvertently smiled when he saw him place each and every tool neatly next to each other. Julian was always tidy and incredibly organised. It was when Julian went to pick up the scalpel that he froze. _

Sisko remembered it now!

_Julian was absolutely fine before he touched the instrument, no signs whatsoever that anything was about to go wrong. It must have been the scalpel. But why? Julian had used them many, many times in the past. Why would the mere sight of one make him panic? _

Sisko concentrated hard on trying to figure out what was happening. _Laser scalpel. _Maybe it reminded him of something bad? Something to do with his arms judging by the way he held onto them with bruising force.

He would have to keep his theories to himself until the morning when he visited him. Right now, all he could do was wait as he stared out the window.

XXX

"_P-p-please! S-stop!" Julian was shouting out at the top of his lungs. The pain was unbearable, would it ever end?_

_He was strapped; face down, onto a table, in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar beings. _

_One was in a darkened corner; he could hear him laughing at his torment, encouraging the other one to inflict more pain. Julian felt his lower back begin to ache as he was repeatedly jarred forward and backwards by the other being. He thought he would lose sensation down there, but the pain never diminished, it just got worse with every thrust._

"_P-please!" It was so painful, he felt like his insides were a mess as this alien object entered him, again and again._

_When the being changed the angle of entry, Julian screamed! He screamed as loud as he could as he felt more skin tear. He saw through blurred vision, the being from the corner approach him slowly. Willing his eyes to focus, he saw it was a Romulan!_

_A Romulan? Why is a Romulan just standing around observing and laughing at his pain? It made him angry but even more confused. Why?_

_The one behind him, who he still didn't know what race he belonged to, continued violating him without shame. Julian heard a hiss of pleasure emanate from behind him, why was someone enjoying something that caused someone else so much pain? _

_Julian squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered the first time he was entered. Nothing was used to aid him entering; the sex was just pushed in dry. This being obviously did not care he was causing such pain as his sex tore skin and veins. Julian found himself thankful that his _own blood _that had been drawn made the process easier. But he shouldn't be thankful! He should be so angry, he should be screaming in anger, not pain. Not begging for mercy! He felt disgusted in himself. _

_The being quickened his pace; pulling his sex out all the way, before slamming it back into his captive. Julian's entire lower back was in tremendous pain, his abdomen felt like it had been torn to pieces._

_Julian could tell the rapist was near his release, but was unprepared when he felt hot seed shoot into him and he heard a yell of triumph. He would never forget this._

_He winced as the Romulan withdrew and turned him around; couldn't he have at least a bit of a rest? His heart was leaping in his chest as he opened his eyes to face his abuser. He gulped when he saw it was another Romulan! So he was being tortured by two Romulans! Why?_

_The Romulan walked straight up to him, so he was in Julian's line of vision. He was covered in sweat; his breathing was heavy as he smirked down at his captive. He stroked Julian's inner thighs with a kind of perverse affection. Looking down, Julian could see he was covered in blood. He willed his tears away; he wouldn't let himself cry anymore! But it was so hard! Seeing the being was a Romulan was bad enough, but seeing the Romulan had enjoyed himself was even worse! _

_He couldn't look at the person that caused him such pain, but found himself unable to pull his eyes away. He moved his gaze up to the Romulan's face and started when he saw him leaning forward over Julian. _

"_You were great," he whispered, before licking Julian's face. "You're so delicious."_

Sisko and Ezri met up at his office the next morning, before setting foot for Julian's quarters. He hadn't heard a report saying Julian was unwell, so he should be fit enough for duty and considering he had a shift in an hour, he should be awake.

Neither of them said a word on the way there; both were scared and incredibly worried about their friend. It didn't seem right to talk about someone behind their back while walking through the crowded corridor.

They were nearly there, and Dax felt her insides churn at the thought of what was going to happen. She didn't want to make Julian feel embarrassed, but she knew he would act like everything was fine. She needed answers! They were friends and she was a councillor! It's her job to help.

As they approached the doctor's door, Sisko visibly hesitated before moving to press the door chime. He didn't even know where to start.

About to press the door chime, they heard a cry. A cry of someone in pain.

Ezri looked at Sisko with wide eyes; the cry made her feel sick! But the pleading voice was too much for her to just stand here! "P-p-please! S-stop!" It was Julian.

Upon hearing Julian's agonized voice, they needed no other encouragement. Both overruled the door lock and ran in, prepared to fight off whoever or whatever was hurting their friend.

It was pitch black! A bit confused, Sisko ordered the lights on immediately, expecting to see Julian lying on the floor with some lunatic attacking him.

Nothing.

He felt a pang of relief, but also one of confusion. Julian sounded like he was in pain. Where was he? It sounded so close. Walking into Julian's room, Sisko promptly stopped at the sight before him.

Julian was thrashing on his bed, his head turning side to side as if to shake his terror away. Sisko tip-toed in a bit further and saw Julian's blanket balled up on the floor and his skin covered in sweat. He was having a nightmare; his face was screwed up with pain and horror.

Ezri followed Sisko into the bedroom, and blanched when she saw her friend in the throes of a nightmare. "Julian?" She began to walk towards Julian, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

Shooting Sisko a confused look, she stopped her movements. Sisko didn't look at her, just stared at his CMO. "Be careful, Dax. He might hurt you or hims-" He didn't finish the word as his eyes strayed to the lower half of Julian's body. "Oh, Dear God!" he whispered.

Ezri's eyes grew wide with horror. Following his gaze, her breath hitched. "We need to get him to the Infirmary!"

Sisko signalled for an emergency transport to the Infirmary as he stared with dismay at the blood that had appeared on Julian's pyjama pants; it was obvious where it was coming from.

**XXX**

_**This story just kept on going and going! It was never meant to be this long or this detailed, but whatever, I still love it to bits and writing it was so cool! :D**_


	2. Chapter 2

Dax paced in the waiting area as she and Sisko waited for word from Nurse Jabara. She was _angry! _Someone had obviously violated their friend. But who? Odo was currently in the doctor's quarters, searching for any clues.

He had obviously had a nightmare that caused an injury. But a nightmare wouldn't do that! It would have to be a memory! Ezri felt sick at the thought of Julian being used like that.

She was torn from her troubled thoughts when Sisko spoke, finally breaking the silence. "Who would hurt Julian like that?" He asked disbelievingly.

Ezri halted and looked at her Captain, anger and concern plain on her face. "I can't imagine anyone on the station who would _do_ such a thing..." She sighed as she slumped down on the nearest biobed. "It would have to be a memory, sir. I don't think a simple nightmare would cause an injury like that! There would have to have been a previous injury in the first place. There's nothing in Julian's records that shows that sort of... incident." She was talking quickly, she had being thinking of all the possibilities and so far this one made the most sense. "He was obviously raped, Benjamin, or tortured by some barbaric tool. As it's not in his record, it would either mean he never reported it. Which I don't understand why he _wouldn't! _The other possibility is that he was hurt, and no one put it in his record. Maybe he doesn't remember? I don't know. But I honestly think that someone has deliberately not entered it in his file."

Sisko listened intently to what Ezri was saying "Julian has never shown any previous signs that he was raped, Old Man. It all just happened after…" Sisko froze at the realisation. His eyes went wide as he stared at Ezri "Romulus! After Romulus he has been acting strangely. What if something happened there?"

Ezri shot him a confused look "But he remembers everything; he told me everything that happened. It must be something else."

Sisko still couldn't let his theory go! He would ask Julian as soon as his injuries were repaired. He would find whoever was responsible for hurting his officer. About to speak, O'Brien came marching around the corner and into the room the two officers were waiting.

"Captain! I was looking for Julian. What's happened?" Fear was written plainly over the Chief's face. Sisko appreciated how Miles transported Julian secretly as to avoid any embarrassment and protect their friend's privacy.

"Dax will explain," Sisko stated as he began to walk to the exit. He needed somewhere quiet to think and file a report.

Dax sighed as Miles looked at her expectantly. She hated being the one to bear the terrible news. She began from the beginning, going through all the details she knew of. By the end she had tears in her eyes.

Sorrow, anger, and horror emanated from Miles as Dax finished telling him what had happened.

"Julian..." He whispered, wishing he could have protected his friend.

XXX

"Nothing happened; I assure you!" Julian was sitting up on the biobed, trying to persuade his nurse that he was fine.

"Julian, something _obviously _happened!" Sisko spoke up, concerned for his CMO. Seeing Julian deny that something awful happened to him was enough to push him.

"Captain, I am certain nothing happened to me. It was just a nightmare-"

Julian was interrupted my Sisko. "Enough! Julian, we found you in your bed, crying, sweating, and looking horrified. Fair enough, that's just a nightmare. Call me crazy, but people don't just start _bleeding _purely from a nightmare!"

Julian was thrown back from the Captain's harsh words. It took him a moment to find his voice. "I honestly don't know, sir. I don't _remember _getting assaulted. I, er, I have no idea. I mean, I had a nightmare about some Romulans, but that doesn't-"

"Romulans?!" Sisko near enough shouted.

Julian visibly started at Sisko's booming voice. "Yes sir."

He wouldn't let Julian know his theory yet; he had to have proof. Instead, he decided to contact Dax and have a word with her. "Never mind, I've got to go. Inform me of any changes." Sisko instructed the nurse before he headed out of the Infirmary. He had needed to confirm his suspicions that the Romulans were involved; now he had a lead. No one just dreamed of Romulans and gained a tangible wound from it!

XXX

"Well, I declare you physically fit to leave the Infirmary, Doctor. But I want you to rest and not over-exert yourself." Jabara announced as she walked to Julian's biobed. She knew Julian was annoyed at having to stay as a patient in his own Infirmary, but it was for his own good.

"Finally!" Julian said with glee as he hopped off the bed. "I've been going crazy! I don't understand why everyone was making a big fuss."

Jabara's breath caught, she didn't like Julian being oblivious to something that had obviously happened in the past. He was too cheerful, it scared her.

Changing the subject, she put on her best smile. "Chief O'Brien contacted me earlier and asked if you were available for a meal in his quarters. He should stop by to get you soon."

Julian halted and sighed. "Jabara, I don't need help. This is all just a big misunderstanding. You can all stop treating me like I'm about to fall apart."

_Misunderstanding? There are clear signs you were raped! How is that a misunderstanding? You have to remember!_

She knew better than to start an argument with Julian, instead she just walked up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder "Julian, Miles wants to be there for you. It's just some food with friends; there is no harm in going!"

Hoping her persuasion had worked, she strolled into the office. She had some scans to go through.

XXX

"Keiko? I'm home!" The Chief declared as he entered the quarters he shared with his family.

It had been a very long and tiring day for Miles; he couldn't even _count _how many replicators malfunctioned or how many times he had to crawl through Jefferies Tubes to fix conduits.

Julian followed close behind him eagerly; he loved spending time with the O'Brien's.

"Daddy!" Molly raced up to her father; arms spread open for a hug.

"Molly!" Miles laughed, as he knelt down and scooped up his daughter. He turned himself and Molly round to face Julian. "Say 'hello' to Doctor Julian, sweetie," Molly's face immediately went red when she saw Julian. She smiled and buried her face in Miles' shoulder bashfully.

Miles gave Julian a look that said _Kids. _Molly was always like this with Julian.

"Daddy?" Molly raised her head up to face her father, keeping close eye contact with him and pouting her lower lip. "Will Doctor Julian come color with me?"

Miles pretended to consider her request for a moment, turning his attention to Julian. "I dunno, sweetie. Why don't you ask him?"

Molly stared at her father for a moment, before finally looking Julian in the face. "Wanna come color with me, Doctor Julian?" She mumbled.

Molly was so cute! Julian had never thought of settling down before he'd met the Chief's family. Now whenever he came here, he found himself jealous of Miles' family. Of course Julian had many previous lovers and a lot of experience, but he just wanted someone to come home to after work. He didn't want to be alone.

Pushing the thought away, he smiled at Molly's innocent face. "Sure," he said. He was glad he had accepted the Chief's invitation for dinner. It was taking his mind off... Other things...

Molly pried herself out of her father's arms and dropped to the floor, reaching out for Julian to take hold of her hand. As Molly led Julian over to her set up of crayons and paper, Miles moved to the kitchen where his wife was preparing food and approached her.

"Hey," He said, giving her a kiss. "How was your day?" He asked conversationally as he was lifting the lids off the pots and pans to investigate what they were going to eat.

"Alright" She responded, lightly slapping the back of his hand with a ladle as he lifted a lid. "I didn't know Julian was going to be joining us"

He winced slightly, _damn. _He should have contacted her sooner but it completely escaped his mind. "Sorry I didn't let you know sooner," He leaned closer and lowered his voice. "But Julian's not in a good place right now. I didn't want him to be alone." He related the bare facts of the situation to Keiko.

"Oh, Miles" Keiko answered in a whisper, her eyes wide with shock and concern. "Of course Julian can stay for dinner; he's always welcome here."

Miles kissed Keiko on the cheek "Thanks for understanding, honey. Now! What are we gonna have?"

XXX

Julian had never been much of an artist, so he opted for drawing something he knew. Of course, the fat crayons made detail difficult so his medical drawing of the Human nervous system was crude at best.

Molly had just finished another picture and let her gaze wander to what the Doctor's paper. She had no idea whatsoever _what _he was drawing. It looked like a load of lines and squiggles to her. Nothing like the flowers and things she was drawing.

"Whaddaya drawing?" she asked, her previous shyness forgotten.

Julian started slightly. He was so engrossed in his drawing he never noticed Molly stare at his hands as he drew. He smiled at her curiosity "A Human brain. What are _you_ drawing?" Julian asked as he finished shading in the cerebellum.

"Flowers. Why are you drawing a brain?" She was at the stage where she questioned everything.

"I was just drawing what I know and I know the Human Brain," Julian explained.

"Why do you need to know the Human Brain?" She asked again, genuinely intrigued.

"Because sometimes people hurt their brains and I have to fix them. Knowing how the brain works and the structure of one helps me fix any problems."

Molly nodded and put her crayons down. "I hurt my finger while you were gone." She declared dramatically, holding up the offending pinkie.

Julian examined the finger in question. "It looks all better. Did Nurse Jabara heal it for you?"

"Yes," Molly pouted. "But I wanted you to do it."

"I'm sorry, Molly. I would've healed your finger," Julian assured her. "But I was away."

"Where were you?" Molly asked skeptically. She had inherited her father's suspicion.

Julian inadvertently smiled at the look on her face, she may look more like her mother, but she definitely had her father's mannerisms.

He brought his thoughts back to her initial question, hesitating before he answered. "At a meeting on Romulus."

Molly's eyes went wide. "Where the Romulans live!" she was extremely proud the she knew that fact. Her mother had been teaching her about the planets and the being that inhabit them. Keiko was pleased that her daughter remembered all of what she was taught. _But Doctor Julian doesn't seem impressed, _Molly thought _He looks sad. _

She frowned at Julian, who was staring into thin air with a troubled look on his face.

Miles walked into the room in time to hear Molly show off her knowledge; and glanced at Julian, worried. Julian was facing him but his face had gone pale and a frown covered his features. Miles decided to intervene "That's enough, Molly." His voice visibly startled both of them. "It's time for dinner."

XXX

The conversation during dinner was as good as the food; Julian was asking Keiko about her botany and Miles was telling Molly a silly story, making her giggle. But, any time someone mentioned Romulus or Romulans, Julian visibly blanched.

Miles noticed this but decided not to mention anything to avoid unwanted conflict with the doctor. He would ask him about it after their meal.

Keiko raised herself out of her chair and began picking up the dishes when Julian piped up "Oh no, let me, Keiko." He smiled at her and began to get up out of his chair, but was interrupted by Keiko.

"Nonsense. You're our guest. Sit down." She gently chided.

Julian sat down, slightly surprised. "But you spent all afternoon cooking,"

Keiko chuckled. "I always clean the dishes, even though I cook" She looked at Miles with fake hurt on her face.

Julian couldn't help but laugh at Keiko's expression and Miles' shocked face. "Hey. I'm busy all day!"

Molly began giggling again at her parents' behaviour.

"What's for dessert then, honey?" Miles asked as he handed Keiko his empty plate.

"Chocolate cake. I spent all morning making it," She moved back to the kitchen to put the dishes away and collect the cake.

"I helped!" Molly piped up.

"Did you, Molly?" Julian asked her, grinning.

"Yes! I decorated it! Didn't I, Mommy?!" Molly called out to her mother, who walked back to the table with a _huge _chocolate cake elaborately decorated with piping and chocolate buttons.

"Yes, you did, Molly! And it looks wonderful. Who wants a piece?" Keiko asked as she put it down on the table.

Miles beamed at her and raised his hand. "Me! I've been working all day so I deserve a little bit of luxury."

"Go easy on the calories, Chief." Julian joked before looking at Keiko "I'd love a bit, Keiko."

Keiko nodded and moved her gaze to her daughter "And you, Molly?"

"YES, YES, YES!" Molly bounced up and down in her seat with excitement "I want the biggest piece!"

"Now, Molly. You'll get just as much as everyone else and no more. We don't want you running around the place being hyper. Remember the last time you ate too many sweets?" Miles gently warned her

"But, Daddy!" Molly whined.

"No buts! You can have some more tomorrow." It was Keiko's turn to admonish her daughter, as she gave her a portion.

Keiko went around the table, placing slices of cakes in front of everyone, before sitting down herself and digging in.

Julian took a mouthful and sighed. "Oh, it's lovely."

Miles nodded his agreement. "It's _delicious!_"

Julian suddenly froze. _Delicious._

No one paid attention to the dramatic change in him, they were too busy enjoying the cake.

The word echoed in Julian's skull, but Miles wasn't the one saying it. _Delicious. _"Wh-what?!" Julian near enough shouted, startling everyone in the room.

He could no longer see or hear anything around him, everything was dark and _'Delicious' _repeated all around him. His fork clattered to the plate. _Delicious._ He jumped up from his chair, knocking it over as he bolted from the room, pure terror contorting his face.

"_You're so delicious."_

Julian shouted "No!" as he sprinted down the corridor as fast as he could.

The O'Briens sat in a stunned silence at the doctor's abrupt change in behavior. One minute he was joking and enjoying himself, the next moment he completely and utterly panicked. None of them had ever seen such a sudden change in demeanor.

Miles stood up from his chair and walked to the exit, picking up Julian's chair on the way to the door.

"Where are you going, Daddy?" Molly asked, scared by the adults' erratic behavior.

He turned around to face his daughter. "I gotta go find Doctor Julian," Miles explained and shot Keiko an apologetic look. "I don't know when I'll be back..."

She waved him away. "Just find Julian." With the blessing of his wife, Miles left in search of his friend.

XXX

Julian ran blindly through the corridors, convinced someone was chasing after him. All he could think of was a Romulan, one he had never seen before, looking for him. _He had to get away! He could feel the Romulan's tongue on his face. Caressing him, touching him, taking advantage of him. If he could just hide...!_

Julian continued running; he didn't even notice the people he knocked into on the way. He turned one last corner and found a nook, tucked away from the main passageway, and coiled up into it, curling up into a foetal position. _If he could just make himself small enough, maybe they would leave him alone. Maybe he could disappear... Forever..._

XXX

Miles followed the trail of stunned people, apologising them as he continued searching for his friend.

He _knew _something was wrong. The word 'Romulus' kept on making Julian freeze, which fit with Dax's theory. Everything had been fine when Julian was eating the cake, he even commented on how lovely it was; nothing happened until after he himself said it was delicious. That's when it happened; he didn't notice anything else happen before Julian bolted.

He was worried for his friend; he knew from experience that Julian kept things hidden within himself. He had to find him! After nearly an hour of searching the entire deck, he approached a dead end and frowned. _There was no other way Julian could have gone! _Miles thought for a moment, before his knowledge of the station made him remember of a little alcove towards the end.

Approaching slowly as to not startle Julian, Miles walked up to the alcove and discovered the person he was looking for. Julian was lying curled up in a tight ball, his shoulders shaking with every breath he took.

Miles felt his stomach churn at the sight of the once lively doctor. "Julian, Julian, it's okay; you can come out now." Miles said comfortingly, kneeling beside the doctor's trembling form. He reached out slowly to pat Julian reassuringly on the shoulder-

Julian lifted his head up and stared up at Miles with the look of sheer horror on his face. It was obvious he had been crying. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Julian screamed, recoiling.

"Okay" agreed Miles, backing away slightly and holding his hands up to show Julian he meant no harm. "Nobody's going to hurt you."

"D-don't... Don't touch m-me..." Julian begged pitifully, curling up even tighter, he let the tears come once more.

Miles stared at his friend, so obviously frightened. He couldn't think of what could have caused the change. Deciding that Julian was completely unaware what was happening around him, he called for medical assistance.


	3. Chapter 3

Jabara had been told of the situation and prepared the necessary equipment to take with her. It was Miles who suggested they not use a transporter; it might startle Julian even more.

She arrived at the destination to see Miles crouching next to the niche where Julian obviously was "Chief," she whispered as she walked towards them.

Miles raised himself up and greeted her. "Thanks for coming. Julian's completely out of it. He doesn't recognise me and keeps telling me not to touch him. I don't know what happened." He talked quietly as he led the Nurse to where Julian was.

Jabara got the tricorder ready and crouched next to Julian, discreetly scanning him as she began speaking smoothly. "Julian. It's alright. We all want to help you."

Julian didn't show any signs of movement.

Jabara sighed and looked at the readouts, her brow creasing. She looked at Miles "I'm picking up the clear signs of a panic attack. It also looks like he's hallucinating. I need to sedate him and run some thorough scans."

Miles nodded sadly as the Nurse began preparing the necessary hypospray. He moved his gaze to his friend, incredibly worried at how oblivious he was to what was happening around him.

XXX

"_You're so good!" The insidious voice whispered all around him as he was getting pounded into repeatedly._

"_N-No, please. No more!" He begged as the Romulan quickened the pace. "Please!"_

"_NO! You're mine."_

_He didn't have any screams left when the Romulan continued his assault._

XXX

"N-No, please. No more!" Julian begged aloud, Jabara moved slowly to place the hypospray to his neck. "Please!"

Miles watched in silence as Julian pleaded, he felt so bad, but he couldn't think of why. Why did he feel so guilty when Jabara injected the substance into Julian's neck?

Julian showed no sign of feeling the hypospray and immediately dropped out of the alcove, leaving Miles to catch his falling body.

Miles dragged him out of the enclosed space and held onto him as Jabara signalled for a medical transport to the Infirmary.

XXX

Jabara was scanning Julian while Miles was sitting in the waiting room.

Julian was heavily sedated and would not wake up from his slumber. Jabara began scanning him, trying to find what had made him so confused.

Her new readings showed the same as her previous scans did, all indicators of a panic attack_._

She frowned and stared at her boss. Something made him hysterical and she had no idea what the source was. Sighing, she moved to place her tricorder away, when she noticed something.

_A scar on the back of the head_

She didn't think Julian had a scar, especially there. Moving over to compare her readings to Julian's medical file, she found what she already knew.

The file did not show any scars, let alone on his head. She went back and discovered that his last physical was only a month ago! She would have known if the doctor had sustained an injury within that time.

Acting on a gut instinct, she picked up a more thorough scanner and began scanning the scar, trying to find out anything.

After a few minutes of using the scanner, she stopped, startled. She nearly dropped the device from her hand at the realisation.

_Someone has performed brain surgery on him._

XXX

The day just couldn't get any worse! After Dax said Julian had been acting strangely after Romulus, he wasn't able to rid the queasy feeling in his stomach. It just didn't make sense; Julian had given him a full report and there were no signs of anything _bad _happening! After going through all the other possibilities, he decided to follow his gut instinct and contact Romulus.

After being redirected and stymied at every turn, Sisko had _finally_ been able to arrange a talk with an ambassador who promised there would be a thorough investigation. Before Sisko could thank him, the Romulan quickly excused himself and ended the conversation. _Bureaucracy at its finest_.

Leaning back and rubbing his face with his hands, he wondered how something like this could have happened! He didn't ever think he would have to deal with this type of violation. Especially on a senior officer, and his _friend! And Julian was still so young..._

He prayed that it was simply a nightmare, and that Julian never went through something so awful, but, deep inside, he knew it couldn't possibly be true. Like Dax said, there would have to have been a previous injury.

His musings were interrupted when the Infirmary called him and explained the situation with Bashir. Sisko balled his fists furiously! He didn't even acknowledge the call as now he stormed through corridors, intent on finding information about his CMO's condition.

XXX

Sisko marched through the hallways of the station, going through all the possible explanations. The nurse said Julian had a panic attack and they discovered something that she would much rather talk in person about. _What could it possibly be? _He began to panic himself when he was suddenly face to face with Nurse Jabara. She greeted Sisko outside the Infirmary with a grim expression.

"Come in, sir." She gestured for him to follow her to the private office. As soon as they were both through the door, Sisko spoke up.

"Do you have any news for me?" He asked.

Slightly surprised by the Captain's blunt question, Jabara put up her professional façade. "There has been a surprising... development." Jabara said carefully.

"What is it?" Sisko wished she would cut to the chase; he _needed _to know what was happening. He hated being unaware of what was going on with members of his own crew.

Jabara sat down at the desk, and rested her head in her hand. She knew a surgical scar when she saw one, but she didn't know where to begin explaining things to Sisko. Raising her gaze to see Sisko's concerned face, she decided to just _dive right in. _"Doctor Bashir's memory has been tampered with."

"What?" Sisko knew this was scientifically possible, but hearing it had happened to Julian startled him nonetheless. "How do you know?" _If the Romulans were behind this..._

Jabara sighed and rose up from her chair, so she was eye to eye with Sisko "He has a scar on his brain tissue that is an obvious sign of brain surgery. Scans reveal that both his hippocampus and prefrontal cortex show signs of alterations."

Sisko felt a rising anger swell inside of him.Someone had violated his CMO and then removed the memories! He swore he would get to the bottom of this! He had persuaded Julian to go to Romulus in the first place. He had sent Julian to be tortured... _But! _They didn't actually have proof that the violation happened on Romulus, something that _did _happen simply could have triggered the memories.

Theories were darting around his brain and he couldn't make any sense of them. Pushing them all away, he tried to focus on what was happening _now. _He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "That explains why he hasn't reported the assault." He murmured.

Jabara nodded in agreement "It's also the reason he's been having such violent nightmares and flashbacks. The suppressed memories are resurfacing. Whoever's behind this didn't have the patience or skill to get the job done properly." She felt disgusted at whoever was responsible, she didn't want to mention what else she found, but it was her responsibility as both a nurse and Julian's friend.

"Also…" Jabara's voice caught in her throat. "I can see from the scars and the scans that Julian was conscious through the memory removal," She felt a tear run down her cheek "It would have been _very _painful. They felt no remorse for what they did."

Sisko knew she had more to say and inclined his head for her to continue.

"The scans also show signs of torture. Muscle trauma to the abdomen, deep muscle and tendon scars to his arms. It looks like someone used a knife of some sort, or a scalpel? And. This is a big accusation, sir, but," She paused to take a deep breath. "Looking at the injures to his abdomen, I saw a resemblance to a Romulan tool."

Sisko sighed and lowered his gaze to the floor. This would be the cause of a lot of trouble between the Romulans and the Federation. He needed to know what was going to happen, but his first priority is Julian. He rubbed his bearded chin; digesting the information he was just told. "What's the next step?"

Jabara weighed her words cautiously before she spoke. "We're lucky we discovered the tampering when we did. If it had gone unnoticed it could have led to irreparable neural damage. We could rebury the memories, but there's always the chance of them coming back."

Sisko shook his head. "Julian would want to know the truth."

Jabara nodded. "I concur, Captain, but the memories we would be bringing back are highly traumatic, if his flashbacks are any indication. We cannot accurately predict how severe his reaction will be," Her stoicism wavered momentarily. "I just don't want him to suffer any more than he already has."

Sisko patted her shoulder comfortingly. "None of us wants that. Is he coherent now?"

Jabara regained her composure. "Yes, he's just resting. We thought it best to keep him under observation."

Sisko followed the nurse into the Infirmary. He needed to see his CMO.

**XXX**

_**How is everyone finding it? I hope people like it, thank you anyone who is following this story or has added it to favourites. How about a review ;)**_


	4. Chapter 4

Julian was laying on the only occupied biobed in the Infirmary, thinking over what had happened during his meal with the O'Brien's.

He could barely remember any of it! He remembered the food, the conversation, but as soon as the dessert was brought in, his memories just stopped.

He vaguely remembered laughter, but couldn't place it.

_What's happening to me?!_

Nothing like this had ever happened before. He was perfectly healthy until…

_Romulus._

Romulus. His thinking ceased as he felt his mind transport itself on its own accord. One minute he was in the Infirmary. The next, he was in a strange room, with Romulans.

He wanted to ask questions to figure out what was going on, but a searing pain hit him in the stomach, so painful, he _screamed._

XXX

Sisko and Jabara were both walking into the Infirmary in silence, when Jabara's combadge chirped "Jabara here," She answered.

"_Nurse, we need you in the Infirmary right away!"_

Jabara didn't want to make Sisko panic, so she replied as calmly as she could manage "On my way,"

Sisko had a horrible feeling in his stomach, one that wouldn't go away. He was dreading making Julian remember torture, but he knew it was for his CMO's own good.

XXX

Both Sisko and Jabara heard an awful scream as they entered the Infirmary. Jabara didn't hesitate as she broke into a run and sprinted into Julian's room.

Sisko followed her and stopped upon entering the room.

Four medical officers were surrounding the biobed, trying to hold onto Julian, who was thrashing around and screaming.

Sisko winced at the sound that made its way up his CMO's throat. It was the sound of pain and terror. _Pure terror._

"What's happened?" Jabara shouted as she approached the bed, she ran a tricorder over the unconscious body.

"He just started screaming. He hasn't responded to drugs or other stimulation. He's stuck in his own mind."

Julian's feverish eyes landed on Sisko, who was still hovering in the doorway.

"Captain! Captain, please, you've got to help me; you can't let them do this! Please!"

Seeing his CMO begging for his help made Sisko want run over to Julian and tell him everything would be alright. However, the frantic medics were in the way, busy trying to calm Julian.

Jabara sighed at the tricorder results. Julian was _too _unreachable at this time. He was reliving the torture, his cries made her stomach churn.

_I can't let him suffer like this._

"Bring me the delta wave inducer,"

Placing the contraption on Julian's head, she turned it on and sighed with relief when his screams stopped.

XXX

Sisko sat beside Julian's biobed, waiting for him to wake up. He was filled with guilt from Julian's pleas. He'd let his CMO-_ no, _notjust his CMO, his _friend_- down.

_How could he have done something so stupid? He knew Section 31 was dangerous, and yet he sent Julian anyway. Would he have sent Jake? Or Ezri? _

_He felt his guilt rise to an almost unbearable level, here, lying next to him was his friend of seven years. Someone who had showed himself to be an exceptional officer, a brilliant doctor and a surprisingly steadfast friend. How could something like this happen? _He was jolted from his reverie by a small voice.

"I'm sorry, sir." Sisko turned his head to the source of the sound and saw that Julian was awake.

"For what?" Sisko asked, confused. He couldn't think of anything Julian had done wrong.

"I was weak. I begged! I'm a disgrace to Starfleet." Julian answered. He could no longer meet his captain's eyes.

Sisko could not let Julian think it was his fault. "No, Julian-"

"I'll understand if you want to replace me as CMO." Julian interrupted Sisko's words with resignation to the supposedly inevitable.

_No! _He could not let Julian think he was no longer wanted. "Julian, listen to me!" Sisko grabbed Julian's shoulder, forcing him to look up. "You're the best CMO a captain could ask for. Anyone in your position would have acted the same as you did. Worse, even! Jabara says that they used brain scans to get the information they wanted. You wouldn't give it to them. You're strong. If anyone should be apologizing it's me. I told you to accept Section 31's offer and become a double agent knowing the dangers. I should have figured out something had happened to you on Romulus sooner." He turned his gaze to the floor. "I hope you can forgive me for not helping you."

"Captain..." Julian was taken aback by Sisko's speech.

"Now, I know this is hard for you," Sisko continued. "But I need you to tell me who did this to you."

Julian gulped nervously, he didn't _want _to remember, but he _had _to. He concentrated hard as he went through his experiences on Romulus.

_The talk, the Admiral's "accident", Koval taking him to a little room, Koval using mind probes, Koval slicing his arms open, Koval using the Chirat to cause unbearable pain, Koval ordering his minions to carry on regardless. _

His breath hitched at the memories, they were as clear as anything. Taking a deep breath, he replied. "Koval. He tortured me. He wouldn't s-stop. Even when I told him I didn't know anything, he wouldn't-wouldn't stop." Julian closed his eyes. He couldn't let himself show his weakness anymore in front of his Captain. He had to show him that he was strong. "So did his underling- Ruril. A-and the one who... The one..."

Sisko squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

Julian gave Sisko a small smile of gratitude, not every Commanding Officer would comfort their officers like Sisko did. "Jikar is the one who hurt me. He and Ruril were both guards." Julian finished, shaking slightly.

"Thank you, Julian. I'll make sure that they're never able to hurt you again. Get some rest, listen to your nurses. I'll be back soon." Sisko promised as he walked out of the Infirmary, leaving Julian on the biobed, trying to accept what had happened to him.

XXX

Sisko left the Infirmary at a brisk pace, tapping his combadge as he went.

"Sisko to Kira. Major, call O'Brien and Worf and have them come meet us in the conference room. We have a have an appointment on Romulus."


	5. Chapter 5

"Julian,"

_His name._

"Julian, wake up"

_His name was being called._

"I need to run a scan and I need you to be awake."

_That voice! Who was it?! He couldn't think._

"He's not responding. I do need to run the scans, pass me the hypospray"

_Hypospray!_

_No!_

_He hated the hypospray!_

_Every time he passed out into blissful oblivion, the hypospray was used to bring him back! _

_He didn't want anyone to use a hypospray on him again!_

_No!_

XXX

"N-no," At the noise, Jabara turned her gaze to Julian on the bed; he was frowning, tossing his head from side to side.

"Julian," Jabara pressed for a reply, she didn't want to use the hypospray, but the scans were important.

The assistant nurse passed Jabara the necessary hypospray. "Thanks," she mumbled as she placed it on the tray. She wouldn't use it unless Julian showed no sign of waking up.

"Julian, I need you awake."

"N-no!" Julian's tone was higher than usual; his face was becoming pale with each passing second.

XXX

"_N-no!" Julian begged Koval, who was holding up another "toy"._

"_Oh yes, Doctor. You cannot escape me. Now, hold still!" Koval chuckled as he impaled the torture tool into Julian's chest._

XXX

The machines surrounding Julian began making shrill noises. Jabara jumped into action, calling for assistance as she pulled back the cover from Julian's torso and tore open his t-shirt.

"I need the cardio stimulator!"

XXX

_Julian stared at Koval in shock. He wanted to know why he had done this. Koval had wanted him alive, so why did he just inflict a fatal wound?_

_As if reading his thoughts, Koval approached him "I was bored, Doctor. I want to see you die. And…" He lowered himself so he was right above Julian's face "I want my face to be the last thing you see before you die. Oh! And I'm sure Jikar wouldn't care if you were dead or alive. Makes no difference to him. He makes a good operative in his own perverted way. Now I don't think it'll be long, now…"_

_Julian stared at Koval in horror! He knew he was going to die._

XXX

"No change!" A nurse shouted.

"Increase the voltage by five percent,"

"No change!"

"Increase it by another five percent!"

"Still nothing,"

"No!" Jabara shouted; she couldn't let Julian die! "Increase it by another five per-cent!"

"Nurse!"

"Increase the stimulator!"

"Nurse!"

Jabara stopped her movements and sought out the eyes of the other medical staff. They were all staring at her with sad eyes; they were professionals and knew when to call it.

A tear escaped her eyes as she looked down at Julian's serene face. "At least, at least he'll be in peace." Nurse Bandee stood next to her and put an arm around her shoulder.

Jabara nodded "Medical Log," She had always dreaded saying the words "Doctor Julian Bashir pronounced dead at 0314 hours, stardate 52468.5. Cause of death: cardiac arrest. End Medical Log."

XXX

"_How's it feel, Doctor? Being dead? Is it peaceful? Probably not as I'm having my way with your body. I did prefer you alive though. I miss the screams, the struggling, the _begging_." Jikar's voice echoed all around him. Julian felt like he was going to be sick! _

"_Oh! You're so delicious, Doctor! So…tight!" _

_No!_

"_Stop!"_

_Leave me alone!_

_Julian collapsed to the floor, covering his ears with his hands. _

_It didn't help; he could still hear the words._

_Only these words were different._

"Medical Log. Doctor Julian Bashir pronounced dead at 0314 hours, stardate 52468.5. Cause of death: cardiac arrest. End Medical Log."

_What was that?_

_If he was still on Romulus, why would someone be entering his death into the computer?_

_Was he really dead? He felt like he was, his body felt so light._

_Maybe he was no longer on Romulus…_

_Maybe he was back home…_

_If he was home he wanted to live._

_He concentrated hard, forcing his heart to start beating again. He never thought that he would do this, but thanks to his enhancements, things that were normally impossible for most Humans were only difficult for him. He pictured the familiar Infirmary, _his_ Infirmary._

_He could do it._

_Come on!_

XXX

"We need to contact Captain Sisko. We need to tell him that Jul-"

Jabara's voice was cut off by the weak fluttering of the computer.

_Heartbeat!_

"I need the stimulators now!"

XXX

_Come on!_

_You don't want to die!_

_At least not now!_

_Concentrate!_

_A burst of pain hit him in the chest._

XXX

"Again! There's a change!"

"Come on, Julian!"

XXX

_Another wave of pain went through him. _

_He felt like he was getting electrocuted!_

_And again!_

_He felt himself fade away from the nightmare._

XXX

Julian arched off the table and gasped for air.

"That's it, Julian. Breathe!"

He looked around him, seeing his staff surround him with worry. He smiled at their faces, he was alive. And he was thankful for it.

He would never let himself go like that. It was in the past and he had to live with it.

What mattered the most was the present_._


	6. Chapter 6

**EPILOGUE:**

**Two Months Later**

_Captain's Log, Stardate 56478.8_.

_I just received word that Koval, Jikar, and Ruril have been sentenced to fifty years in a high security prison. _

_When myself, Major Kira, Commander Worf and Chief O'Brien travelled to Romulus, we encountered countless problems. _

_One was that there was no evidence that anything happened, Koval denied everything and things were looking bad._

_Major Kira had a fight with Ruril, and both were put in a cell for the night. _

_She hates seeing evil prevail, and seeing Ruril smirk at our plea was too much. Ruril came out worse though._

_It was when Mister Worf followed Jikar and discovered countless logs and images of Julian's assault. It was careless of Jikar to leave these things lying around, but I have to admit, we would never have been able to prove their guilt without it._

_I wanted the images and detailed logs deleted, but the court stated I could not destroy evidence._

_It hurts me to know that there are photos and logs showing Doctor Bashir's torture. I hope he never sees them._

_Nurse Jabara informed me about Julian's close brush with death, I must admit, I was truly scared for him. Afterward, I feared he may try and kill himself._

_But Julian has shown signs of acceptance. He still doesn't want to talk too much about what happened and we all understand that. We just let him know that we are all here for him._

_I just want to say that Doctor Julian Subatoi Bashir is one of the finest Officers I have ever had the fortune of Commanding. He is loyal, caring, brilliant and above all, brave._

_He's been through a lot, and he's sprung back every time. He is an astonishing human being and I hope that he can live the rest of his life knowing that._

_I have to go now; everyone is meeting in Quark's for drinks to celebrate Julian's return to full duty._

_End Log _


End file.
